The Five Phases of Wedding Music

Knowing when to drop the hammer is a key wedding DJ skill.

When you hire a DJ or musician to be in charge of your wedding music, there are several things to consider. The first thing you need to ask yourself is, 'Do I want a DJ just for the reception, or do I want them to take part in other aspects of my wedding?"

Generally speaking, most couples hire a DJ to provide at least dance music for their reception. 99% of our wedding clients hire us for this. About 60 or 70% of our clients also hire us to provide music for their ceremony. Of those who don't the reasons vary. Some are getting married at a different location, such as a church, and logistics dictate that we can only be at the reception. Some folks may hire a string quartet, harpist, or acoustic guitarist to play for their ceremony. Oftentimes, I'm asked to provide sound reinforcement for someone's wedding ceremony, even when not providing music. At the very least, equipping the officiant with a lavalier, or lapel microphone, is de riguer.

When asked to provide ceremony music, I always offer to also provide seating or prelude music for when guests are arriving. Here I try to pick out music that complements the couples choice of ceremony music, i.e. f they're going with classical music during their ceremony, I'll generally play classical music during guest seating. If they've chosen pop for their ceremony, I'll play pop for seating music, jazz for jazz, folk for folk, etc.

So those are phases one and two of wedding music. Phase 3 is cocktail hour. This is definitely one of my favorite phases of a wedding, and generally starts right after the ceremony ends, with the playing of the "recessional", which is the song that trumpets the freshly-wed couple's victorious walk back up the aisle. For cocktail hour, I look to the lists the couple has given me, and try to throw in a few of their must-play tunes (the non-dancey ones), in combination with some of my own choices: upbeat, energetic music that will help keep the happy vibe going and keep the crowd in a good mood without inducing full on dance fever. Pop, Jazz, Soul, Motown, Vocal Standards, Adult Contemporary & Adult Alternative, K-Pop & J-Pop are nice genres to pick from here, as are country and folk music, depending on the couples' preferences. A moderate volume level is best here. My rule of thumb is play it kinda loud, but not so loud that you can't hear people's voices above the music. A lot of socializing will be going on, and nobody should have to yell to be heard.

Cocktail hour lasts about an hour to an hour and a half, and then it's time for dinner. and a change in musical tone. I turn the volume down, and start selecting more relaxed music: Indie folk and laid-back indie rock are genres I frequently select for dinner music. Modern lounge, downtempo, dream-pop and Bossa Nova are good choices here, again depending on the couples previously stated preferences. Instrumental music is desirable for dinner as it's easier to talk over. If the cuisine is ethnic, I try to reflect that in the music, and I have hundreds of tunes in various ethnic genres that I employ to achieve the perfect dinner vibe. I had a recent couple that wanted a "garden vibe" for dinner, and I had a lot of fun putting that playlist together.

After dinner and toasts, it's time to dance. Dancing almost always begins with the couple's first dance, usually followed by dances with parents. Some couples have me edit these songs down to two minutes or less so they don't drag on too long. As I've observed at many a wedding, a groom's dance with his mother can be the longest 4 minutes of a young man's life, so if I can help alleviate that by shortening a song, I'm happy to help out.

Now it's time to invite all the guests to the dance floor, and this is where the rubber meets the road. Some couples will suggest a party starter, say, 'September' if the wedding is in September. Most of the time they leave it up to me. I always want to start with something universal, that all ages can relate to. "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green is a song that's kicked off many a wedding. Almost everyone recongizes it instantly (there was this one dork in 2022 who didn't recognize it, and when his friend told him 'this is Al Green', he said, 'Who? Al Gore?''). But there are really no hard rules. One thing I try to avoid is starting with a peak hour track. Why? Because if you start too high, you've got nowhere to go but down, and you want to be able to build a proper arc. You don't start a car in third gear, and neither should you start a party there. After one or two 'getting acquainted' tunes, I'll begin to pick up the tempo, building energy for the first half hour or so with precise beat matching, starting at around 100 BPM's and building to around 115-120, creating a seamless flow, getting people dancing and not giving them an excuse to stop. Once I've worked the crowd into a fine lather, I might drop a slow jam, just to give couples that won't dance to anything else a chance to cut the rug. But I never play two slow jams in a row, and I try to play no more than one slow jam per hour. I always follow a slow jam with an uptempo number to get the crowd back into boogie mode. A tempo change around the half-hour mark also gives folks a chance to refresh their drinks, if they're so inclined. For the next 3-4 hours I do my best to read the crowd, play the couples' must-pay tunes where appropriate, and build a set with an arc that peaks about 20-30 minutes before last dance, You want to keep the energy as high as possible for as long as possible without keeping it too high for too long. There's a fine line between 'going out on a high note' and 'leaving 'em hanging'. When the end of the party comes, you want to let them down easy so nobody's disappointed. A good DJ is always keenly aware of the clock on the wall.

Most couples like to go out with a "last dance", as a way of placing a cherry on top of the amazing, exhilarating day they've just experienced. This is often the last song of the wedding, but sometimes it gets followed up with a departure song. My forms offer couples a chance to request a departure tune. In recent years, perhaps due to fire danger, sparklers aren't as popular as they once were, so not as many couples are requesting it these days. But it's something I offer. And it's a nice way to step into a limousine. Finally, I almost always play a piece of exit music at a very, very low volume for guests to leave by as the house lights come up and everyone returns to reality.